[Cue the blushing and bashful avoidance of her gaze!]
W-Well, yeah! Because that's the kind of life you deserve-- a happy one filled with someone who will love and cherish you, and kids if you want...! A normal human life...
[She can totally be a doctor and a mother! She's strong enough to do both!]
[ hiyori's stern looks and sharp words can be just as effective as a slippering. she doesn't want to hurt him if she can help it.
why can't they protect each other and both want each other's happiness, huh? he's the god but as far as she's concerned, he needs it just as much as she does. if not more than she does.
and he does have her respect among... other things.
frustration currently. embarrassment, too. he's so focused on her meeting some guy, getting hooked up, and being a wife. after HOW many times making a spectacle of himself by proposing to her!! ]
I am happy! [ he sounds like her mother, sometimes. talking about husbands and kids. she has a happy life with people who love and cherish her already, doesn't she? m-maybe not kids but that's a long way off! she still has a normal human life, too. right? groaning, she flips over in the beanbag to bury her face in it and kicks her feet once (like yato's flailing on rainy earlier) and then goes limp so she can mumble into the beans. ]
I keep wondering if I finally find someone to go on a date with, will that make you happy...?
[ tenjin mentioned it, too. everyone is always asking her about it.
also, yes, she could absolutely be a doctor and a mother but woof, that's a lot. ]
[They both could protect each other and desire the other's happiness, if Yato had more experience with such things. Hiyori is his first human friend, after all, so all this is him feeling out how a relationship between god and mortal should be. And he takes his status as a deity seriously.
Which is why he's so insistent that she be able to live a normal human life. That's what humanity desires, right? To hit all the important milestones such as obtaining a desired career, finding a marriage partner, having children... All he wants is to help her achieve that. To keep her on the trajectory towards a bright future.
At least, it's what he should want for her...]
I know, it's just-- [He clams up at her groan, biting his lip. Does he have it wrong...? Abandoning the plush reindeer, he takes a couple steps closer to her, one hand raised hesitantly as color spreads across his cheeks.]
No--! I mean-- Yes? I-I don't know...!
[Dropping his hand, both clench into fists as his head dips down so that his chin is touching his chest and his eyes are fixed on the floor. He knows what he wants, but that's not important or relevant. Only Hiyori's happiness is.]
[ guess it's up to her to teach him that humans can also be supremely protective and wish for other's happiness, huh?
and that he shouldn't pigeonhole her into those milestones. sure, they're good paths to take and she'll get there. but... she doesn't want to lose everything she's gained at the far shore. her friends. her experiences. all of it. the hurts and the joys. it's all important. things she can't forget again.
at his first, vehement no she lifts her head and looks over her shoulder in surprise. her brow furrows at the confused yes. finally, she shifts and stands up at his flustered "I don't know". which is it?
she sees his clenched fists, too. ]
You... don't look happy though. [ hiyori points out, reaching out for a fist where he held himself back. truthfully, she didn't sound too happy SHOUTING she WAS, either. ] Or sound it.
[She is his temporary guidepost, after all. If there was ever a person who should help a god learn about the ways of humans, it's them.
It's something he doesn't realize he's doing, which could be part of the reason he's so conflicted on everything. He thinks wanting the best for her means following the path others who are happy have followed. Although... there is a small, selfish desire in there. He wants Hiyori to leave behind a large family for him to look after and care for. A legacy that will last until the end of time.
Realizing his outburst was so strong, he colors slightly, scuffing a socked foot against the floor as his fingers dig deep into his palms. He's sending mixed signals, he realizes that. But... both his feelings are true. He knows that now. That he wants what's best for her, but he also longs to keep her for himself. His two sides, warring against one another.
Maybe it won't make sense from a human perspective, but to him it's something he can't help feeling.]
.....dunno. Maybe it's because I know you can't actually be happy being stuck here with me. [Not that he's bad company or anything, even though sometimes he is. He's totally lying to himself and her, though. That's not the reason at all. He lets her take his fist, trying with some effort to stop clenching it.] ...whatever makes you content is what I want, Hiyori.
[ a job she's taking seriously!! for all of yukine's hard work!! and also yato. him, too.
for how deep he dug his fingers into his palm, she has to work on loosening them as she listening to yato all but demean himself right in front of her. mixed signals don't matter as much anymore when he does that. she takes the hand she's loosened and holds it to her heart with an intense look in her eyes. eyes as hard as the gems in that pendant. ]
Don't you dare assume how I feel. That's not true. I've already told you I want to be with you longer.
[ there might be mixed signals with hiyori sometimes, too, but she thought she's made at least THAT MUCH clear. ]
I like being with you. I said that, too. I wasn't lying when I said either of those things.
[Him too, huh. He sees how it is. Yukine-kun comes first, is that how it is? Kidding. Mostly.
Though she might not be able to see it, the strength of his nails digging into his palms leaves red marks in their wake, the pain helping to get Yato focused. At least, as focused as he can be when she all but presses his hand to her chest. Color creeps further up his face, bridging his nose and making him feel overheated as he finds himself captured by her gaze. Held in place, his breath catches momentarily at both her actions and words.]
...even if it means being stuck in a dream world, separated from everyone?
[That part seems to surprise him (stupidly enough); he figured she'd want to hurry home to her parents and brother, to keep them from worrying about her extended sleeping spell. That she might actually be okay - or hell, even want to stay with him - here comes as something of a shock.]
Y-Yeah, I know. I never believed you were lying. ...I'm sorry if I gave you that impression.
yeah, she hasn't realized where she's put that hand as of yet. since he's not moving, she going to continue to not realize and keep it there. ]
... I'm worried, but that doesn't mean I can't also be happy. It wouldn't be fair to myself if I didn't enjoy things here, too.
[ there's no rule saying that she can't be both. being separated from everyone isn't ideal but she isn't going to let herself be miserable about it forever. that's silly. self-destructive. yes, she does want to go home but what can she do? and she's not going to forsake yato like that. not when he's always trying so hard to make her happy. to be her god of fortune.
besides, like she told helga, it's not all bad here. yato is largely the reason it's not all bad. ]
Don't you feel the same? I know you're worried about Yukine-kun, but you're not letting yourself be upset about it all the time. Or you wouldn't have gotten me all these gifts or have been trying to build a shrine here and gain followers or have fun teaching me how to cook or help save the Ice Queen or any of those things.
[ perhaps as stupidly as him, she grips his wrist with her other hand and moves a step closer. ]
[His own heart sure is beating harder the longer his hand remains there, as he tries desperately to not let it twitch like he might grab her on accident.]
Yeah, that's very true. I wouldn't want you to be fretting all the time over something we have no control over. It's not like it's all bad here.
[Once again, Hiyori proves to be the more mature, rational of the two of them. This is one of the reasons humans are the ones to guide the gods, aside from the fact they were made for them. To fulfill their wishes. It makes Yato wonder if he can manage that, or if he's only making things more difficult for her by being a stupid, stubborn ass.
Hopefully not. He is trying his damnedest to be a good God of Fortune, even on his own without Yukine's help or guidance.]
Of course. I swore to you and him that'd I'd become an existence that can make people happy, and I can't do that if I'm a sad sack, myself. [Now being grappled by her with both hands and having his space invaded, he inhales sharply and glances away, fingers finally twitching in her hold.] I just... want to make sure you have the best time here that you can. It's one of the few things I can do on my own, here, right now.
see, though, he gets it! she relaxes slightly after that. happy enough for a small smile to tug at her lips once he agrees with her. it's not all bad. there are ups and downs, just as much as there is on earth. and they're safe, too. so far.
hiyori doesn't pick up on the twitch of his fingers as his words slam into her more forcefully. she's proud of him for realizing that much in that first bit. the next part? the honesty carries on. ]
You being here is...! [ but stutters. although she doesn't realize where his hand is, she realizes what she says next might be one of those THINGS that makes yato do creepy scary things. ]
Y-You... being here is already doing a lot to make it better, Yato.
[Bad. Very bad. Thankfully some of her calmness transfers over to him, easing his tension further so that his hands aren't both so claw-like.
Really, he doesn't think it's such a bad place even with all the craziness that's happened to them over the course of just a couple of months. A lot of it's been fun and exciting, and he feels closer than ever to Hiyori. Especially when she goes so far as to say that his presence has been a big help in making her stay better.
It's... different than her just saying she wants to be with him more. This is... it's her finding comfort in his existence. Something nobody else has ever said. Even Yukine has barely acknowledged that much. But Hiyori... she...]
T-Then I'm glad we ended up arriving together, and that you didn't have to face this alone. For me, too, it's been a blessing to have you here. I... I'd be really lonely without you.
[And his heart would be longing for her, but there's no way he's going to spit that out.]
[ hiyori is also under the impression that this place isn't terrible. there's been some scary, close moments, but... yato was there for her, always, in those moments and saved her.
the reason it isn't bad is because he's here.
oh.
oh...
OH.
oh no. anon-san said something like this. that the person they were in love with made every place feel like this. they discussed this on the roof. safe. comfort. like home. yato's words almost go in one ear and out the other as she is shaken by this revelation. is she... really... actually...? n-no. no no no. ]
Y, yeah. I... [ there, she's noticed his hand and promptly lets go and steps back to give him his personal space back. her eyes are wide and her face feels like it's going to burn right off. she can't look him in the face at ALL. ]
I, um. Yeah. [ what is WRONG with her. ] L-let's move Rainy to the living room? I, I'll pick up this end and you can pick up the other.
[Unaware of the inner turmoil that Hiyori is experiencing, Yato continues gazing at her, a bit wistfully, even. Even now, he wants to take up her hands and hold them close again, press his lips to them and look over her knuckles in order to tell her exactly how he feels. That he.. he...
He can't do it. Even to himself, he can't admit it. Though he knows in his heart what this feeling is, what it means, acknowledging it is a far different story. If he allows himself to accept it, then it'll be unrequited. Agony. Better he just do his best to pretend there's nothing there. Or that he at least isn't conscious of it.
At her suggestion, he nods, glancing down at his now free hands and flexing his fingers. It felt nice, having her holding onto him. So warm. Comforting.]
Ah, yeah. Let's do that. Tell me if she's too heavy for you, okay?
[He did manage to haul her in here himself, but he wouldn't mind the help this time. He grabs the reindeer by the front since that's the heavier end, letting its head peer over his shoulder like some weird lurker. Glancing back at Hiyori, he smiles.]
[ the longer hiyori has time to think, carrying rainy silently from her room and down the hall and into the living room where she agreed to put her, the harder it gets to deny it to herself. these last two months make it especially difficult. she keeps trying, anyway. keeps telling herself 'no way, no way, no way' but then she thinks of the plaques, too, and she's suddenly grabbing rainy for dear life as they set her down by the fireplace.
something is--
she hasn't let go and she stares unseeingly, like her life is flashing before her eyes. it kind of is? but she's going to ignore it. like her life depends on it.
or at least until she can sit down and... figure it all out. act normal, act normal. ]
There! She's in her home for the foreseeable future now! W-welcome home.
[ PATS HER SIDE. seems like hiyori has gotten over the fact that a life-size plush lives in their house now. also, hopefully, whatever he was making in the kitchen didn't burn or anything... ]
[Bumping up against one another in the struggle to deny the hardest!
As they traipse down the hall, Yato's heart does little flip flops from him dwelling on the Feelings He Definitely Doesn't Have. From the lingering ghost of Hiyori's hands upon him, to her words of reassurance, there's just really no getting around it. He definitely lo... lo... He cares for her. A lot!!
Pushing that thought out of his head as they arrive at their destination, he strokes the plush's snout, trying to meet Hiyori's eyes but finding it nigh impossible. He just... can't do it right now. Not when his emotions are so raw.
If he had been able to, he might've noticed her vacant look as well. Is it a good thing or bad that he doesn't? Only time will tell.]
Y-Yeah! Welcome home, Rainy! Hey, maybe we should decorate her for the holidays? Like drape some garland around her neck and put ornaments on her antlers! That'd be cute!
[Thankfully there's no burning smell coming from the kitchen, so it should be safe? (He was preparing to cook eggs, though thankfully he didn't get around to lighting the stove.)]
[ who will win? find out next time on dragonballpaingami.
it's totally fine if he can't meet her eyes because hiyori can't meet his. fair's fair. as if looking into that bright blue will just nail the truth home even harder that she's holding back by a thread. ]
Yes! You know, I was thinking the same thing! [ HAHA WEIRD. ] We haven't taken the tree down yet, so why not? [ they probably SHOULD take the tree down soon, though. it's already the sixth of the month. they're going on three months in reverein now and have no sign of going back. if anything, there are signs that more people are coming here. ]
I think there were some leftover ornaments I put away that there was no room for on the tree! I'll go look for them!!
[ before he can get a word in, hiyori darts off back down the hallway in a pink blur. there's a small closet nearby yato's room that they've tucked a few things away in. extras. she's pretty sure this is where they put them.
her mind runs a mile a minute. though she does her best to think of other things such as embroidery techniques, what she's read so far in those anatomy books, she keeps coming back to one thing. one person. one god.
why did she talk to that anon? she already KNEW she was lying to herself. pretending that she was "just friends" with yato. as she told masaomi!! it shouldn't be this hard to find ornaments... ]
[Spoiler: instead of peas in a pod, they become two cherries on a stem. Matching!!
At least they're on even footing even if they don't know it. Pair of dweebs. There's nobody here to call them out on it, either, so the passivity stand-off continues. (Cue the tumbleweed.)]
Great minds and all that~! [Or weird minds, as the case may be.] Right? And even when we do, we can leave Rainy dressed up to keep the festive cheer going! [The tree is getting pretty dry by now, though... Pretty soon they'll likely need to take it outside and find a place to dispose of it.]
Ah, yea--
[That's all he manages to get out to her retreating back before she's gone, disappearing into the hallway leading to their bedrooms. Blinking, he stares after her, hand still on the reindeer's face. Her odd behavior makes him momentarily forget about his own love-torn heart.
What...? What was that all about? Did he say or do something wrong? Maybe she needed the bathroom and was just being polite? Either way, he continues standing there in a daze for another minute or so before letting his hands drop. Ah, right... He should clean up in the kitchen. Or better still, finish making breakfast for them. He's hungry.
For a lot more than eggs, but that can't be helped. Scratching at the back of his head, he sighs at himself and wanders out of the room. Stupid self...]
surely, eventually, someone will call them out on... something. they need it. yato isn't the only idiot this time. once she gets a handle on herself, she closes the closet door behind her and takes a deep breath. she can be normal. so what if she doesn't have strictly... platonic feelings for yato? they don't have to be l-love feelings. they can be!! a lot of like feelings. more than normal. big fondness! adoration.
... this isn't helping.
yato isn't there where she left him when she returns, so she looks around while opening the bag. one of their handmade ornaments is pulled out and she hangs it on an antler. then another on another antler. she does so very slowly and very meticulously for no reason other than she feels like it. ]
I can't... [ she mumbles to nobody in particular, under her breath.
but
she does. ]
He's weird. And confusing. Completely shameless... [ another bauble for rainy. enjoy. ] Attention seeker. Rude. Full of himself. [ less so now. ] He possessed my body, wears my uniform whenever he wants. He's insane. Has so many secrets, I still hardly know a thing--
[ hiyori looks insane muttering to herself over in the corner. ]
Something somewhere is definitely going to have to give eventually. There's no way they can continue on like this indefinitely. Doubly so if they plan on going out to hunt noctaere. They'll need all their focus for that, not distraction-fueled lapses in concentration.
Although... for now... what can he do? There's no way he can just spit it out, burdening her with his feelings unnecessarily. Not when they're stuck in this strange world, living under the same roof. She already said he brings comfort to her. He can't risk spoiling that and causing her to leave either in anger or fear.
Frowning to himself, he whisks the eggs and milk together, adding a dash of salt and pepper followed by a touch of soy sauce. His own special mixture to give the eggs a bit of interest.
He hears Hiyori faintly out in the living room, but can't make out any of the words. He assumes she's being cute and talking to Rainy while decorating her. Maybe complimenting their new plush roommate on her good looks. Who knows!]
What should I do... Sakura...
[Sighing, he pours the eggs into the pan and lets them sit. Omelets for today. Something fun to eat.]
indefinitely? no. for as long as she can hold out? yes. which is becoming more difficult as hiyori moves one from trying to convince herself that she can't to she might. there's a reason he caught her eye the first time when they passed by as strangers -- his eyes. she didn't know eyes could even BE so blue. ]
He can be cool, sometimes. He cares. He cares a lot about Yukine-kun, it makes him a good father to him. He really does try his best. He wants to be better. Always gets his job done... except mine, I guess. Sometimes, he's funny. And more thoughtful with the things he says. There are so many times he's saved me and he wants me to be happy. It's really important to him, as a God of Fortune.
[ the more hiyori talks to herself, the deeper the rabbit hole goes. there's more. there's actually more to like. ] Talented at so many things and willing to teach. Tidy, surprisingly. Good cook. [ just goes to show that hiyori is in over her head if there's more. ] Can play intruments. Learned that today.
[ one important aspect to yato she doesn't know where to place. good or bad. he's proud of his status, so it must be good. ]
A god.
[ that ornament bag is half-full by now. rainy is properly decked out in a holiday look. her finger pokes one so that it swings back and forth for a while in a mesmerizing way. while yato has his back to her, hiyori peeks into the kitchen and simply observes him work. when yato thinks nobody is watching, it's the most difficult to convince herself that she can't.
it needs to be interrupted or else-- ]
I smell eggs. Don't faceplant into your omelet again, okay? [ a legit concern ]
Essentially it's become a battle of attrition, to see which of them can hold out the longest before folding and revealing the truth to the other. The one advantage Yato has over her, it's longevity. He's used to going long stretches of time without revealing his secrets. Although he's never had one quite like this, where he was living with the subject of said secret. Already just being near Hiyori is testing his willpower and ability to remain impartial, detached.
He scoots one finished omelet to a plate before starting on a second, garnishing the first with a light sprinkling of spring onions. Frowning at the pan, he murmurs under his breath.]
I should... just keep it to myself, huh. It's easier that way. Better for us both.
[He knows deep in his heart that's not what his beloved shinki would have him do. She likely would've encouraged him and told him to be brave, to have faith in Hiyori. But without Sakura here to impart those words for real, he can't bring himself to dare trying. He just can't. He treasures what they have too much, and is too damn scared of rejection.
Only once Hiyori speaks up does he realize she's there, jumping a little in the process. Thankfully he doesn't upend the omelet. Turning it over carefully, he scoffs with a faint smile.]
I won't. That was a reaction to being ill, not one to my cooking. [He eyes her for a moment before holding out the plated omelet.] Here. Before it gets cold.
hiyori has the advantage of being stubborn as all get out. despite that, there's a part of her that isn't too inclined to keep it a secret. why? it feels more like a habit than anything else. how long does it take for habits to break? that's the question hiyori needs to ask herself.
she only catches the tail end of his mutterings as she peeks in, so can't make much sense of "--us both." could be anything. it doesn't feel right to ask either. not right now.
there's an apologetic smile on her face for scaring him, but she crosses into the kitchen to take the plate. ] Thank you. [ he turns back around, but she doesn't move to their little dining room table quite yet. one second. two. three. four.
an arm winds carefully around his waist. slower than the other day, on christmas, when she all but slammed into him and hugged him for a few seconds before running off. this way is gentler and more of a side hug than anything. her nose gets buried behind his shoulder and she holds this position for another second longer before letting herself slip away to finally sit at the table. grabbing napkins and utensils for them both along the way, her heart racing in her chest. ]
Yukine-kun would be proud of how well you handle the household these days.
He can hopefully give her a run for her money in the stubborn department. He hasn't maintained his dream of becoming the highest god in the land through being weak-willed, that's for sure. Although when it comes to Hiyori, all bets are off. Nothing is certain where she's involved, especially not him.
He accepts her apology with a smile of his own, expression softening further. And he thinks that's the end of it. That she'll go sit down and eat. Instead, she hovers nearby. Why...? Out of the corner of his eye, he watches her. Yet somehow in the time it takes his attention to wander, she's got an arm encircling his waist.
His entire body stiffens, leaving him barely breathing, like her arm is a boa constrictor that might smother him if he shows any signs of life. Except that it's... nice? Warm and soft and gentle and-- and-- His face heats up like the pan, hot enough to cook eggs on. And then to make matters even more confusing, he feels her face burying into his back, forcing the breath he'd been holding out in a shuddering exhale. His hands shake just as much, so much so that he has to let go of the pan to keep it from rattling on the burner.
W-W-What was that all about?! It was almost like she-- she--
Swallowing hard, he ducks his head while one hand grips the counter tightly. Whatever the reason, whatever that was about... it was... nice. It takes him several long moments to compose himself enough to answer, and when it does, it's slightly strained.]
I-I'm sure he would be. But if he show's up, you're not gonna tell him! I don't want him hounding me to do this all the time. This is just for you, since as a human you need to eat and maintain your body!
[ give her a jog for her money and she'd be okay with it.
it's the most huggiest hug she's probably ever given yato. with the first being a hug she split between yato and yukine. it's a hug specifically for yato, done in a certain way for yato. what hiyori realizes belatedly is that while he may be okay giving hugs, maybe yato is less okay with receiving hugs. and that's the reason he sounds so strained and looks so... stiff.
all at once, the fuzzy warmth in her chest and head dissipates and she's unsure of herself. wondering if she needs to apologize. he's been through a lot, and she hardly seen a whisper of it. just the beginning.
she's distracted, easily. ]
Wh-what? Why not! Yukine-kun was once a human, too! [ another part of her is doing her best not to start blushing that yato so easily admits that it's just for her. the wide smile is even MORE difficult to stamp away. ] I think it's good for you. We can all take turns on things, just like we do now.
If you don't work, are you just going to lay around while Yukine-kun and I do all the chores? He would like your cooking too, you know. Even if he didn't say it.
It is the warmest hug he's ever received, too. That's part of the problem. It was one specially done for him, from Hiyori. Only him. And one that wasn't borne out of a threat to his life. It came calmly out of the blue, full of... love? It sure felt like more than a friendship hug, at least to him. Although maybe it's his feelings that are coloring his impressions of it...
Now he doesn't know how to take it, and he's afraid to ask. What if he's wrong? Or worse, what if he's right? What then, if she shares his feelings of being in l-l-lov--
Heat colors his cheeks as his eyes follow her, bright and blue and full of an undefined emotion. It's not a negative, at least. No, it's more like he's admiring her shyly.]
Like I said, he'd get on my case to be more self-sufficient. ...I like it when he cooks for me. [It makes him feel like a proper god, being catered to. Plus he likes the taste. But like hell he's going to say as much. He goes quiet at the suggestion of them taking turns. That... doesn't sound so bad.]
No way, I wouldn't just be lounging about! I mean, I guess we could all split up the chores. Or at least take turns with the cooking. ...I'll make sure to fix him the puffy pancakes the next time we see him, too. He deserves that much.
[He does need to take better care of his shinki, he knows. It's just hard sometimes. He's not used to having a kitchen readily available and ingredients to work with.]
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no subject
W-Well, yeah! Because that's the kind of life you deserve-- a happy one filled with someone who will love and cherish you, and kids if you want...! A normal human life...
[She can totally be a doctor and a mother! She's strong enough to do both!]
no subject
why can't they protect each other and both want each other's happiness, huh? he's the god but as far as she's concerned, he needs it just as much as she does. if not more than she does.
and he does have her respect among... other things.
frustration currently. embarrassment, too. he's so focused on her meeting some guy, getting hooked up, and being a wife. after HOW many times making a spectacle of himself by proposing to her!! ]
I am happy! [ he sounds like her mother, sometimes. talking about husbands and kids. she has a happy life with people who love and cherish her already, doesn't she? m-maybe not kids but that's a long way off! she still has a normal human life, too. right? groaning, she flips over in the beanbag to bury her face in it and kicks her feet once (like yato's flailing on rainy earlier) and then goes limp so she can mumble into the beans. ]
I keep wondering if I finally find someone to go on a date with, will that make you happy...?
[ tenjin mentioned it, too. everyone is always asking her about it.
also, yes, she could absolutely be a doctor and a mother but woof, that's a lot. ]
no subject
Which is why he's so insistent that she be able to live a normal human life. That's what humanity desires, right? To hit all the important milestones such as obtaining a desired career, finding a marriage partner, having children... All he wants is to help her achieve that. To keep her on the trajectory towards a bright future.
At least, it's what he should want for her...]
I know, it's just-- [He clams up at her groan, biting his lip. Does he have it wrong...? Abandoning the plush reindeer, he takes a couple steps closer to her, one hand raised hesitantly as color spreads across his cheeks.]
No--! I mean-- Yes? I-I don't know...!
[Dropping his hand, both clench into fists as his head dips down so that his chin is touching his chest and his eyes are fixed on the floor. He knows what he wants, but that's not important or relevant. Only Hiyori's happiness is.]
I-If you're happy, then I am, too!
no subject
and that he shouldn't pigeonhole her into those milestones. sure, they're good paths to take and she'll get there. but... she doesn't want to lose everything she's gained at the far shore. her friends. her experiences. all of it. the hurts and the joys. it's all important. things she can't forget again.
at his first, vehement no she lifts her head and looks over her shoulder in surprise. her brow furrows at the confused yes. finally, she shifts and stands up at his flustered "I don't know". which is it?
she sees his clenched fists, too. ]
You... don't look happy though. [ hiyori points out, reaching out for a fist where he held himself back. truthfully, she didn't sound too happy SHOUTING she WAS, either. ] Or sound it.
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It's something he doesn't realize he's doing, which could be part of the reason he's so conflicted on everything. He thinks wanting the best for her means following the path others who are happy have followed. Although... there is a small, selfish desire in there. He wants Hiyori to leave behind a large family for him to look after and care for. A legacy that will last until the end of time.
Realizing his outburst was so strong, he colors slightly, scuffing a socked foot against the floor as his fingers dig deep into his palms. He's sending mixed signals, he realizes that. But... both his feelings are true. He knows that now. That he wants what's best for her, but he also longs to keep her for himself. His two sides, warring against one another.
Maybe it won't make sense from a human perspective, but to him it's something he can't help feeling.]
.....dunno. Maybe it's because I know you can't actually be happy being stuck here with me. [Not that he's bad company or anything, even though sometimes he is. He's totally lying to himself and her, though. That's not the reason at all. He lets her take his fist, trying with some effort to stop clenching it.] ...whatever makes you content is what I want, Hiyori.
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for how deep he dug his fingers into his palm, she has to work on loosening them as she listening to yato all but demean himself right in front of her. mixed signals don't matter as much anymore when he does that. she takes the hand she's loosened and holds it to her heart with an intense look in her eyes. eyes as hard as the gems in that pendant. ]
Don't you dare assume how I feel. That's not true. I've already told you I want to be with you longer.
[ there might be mixed signals with hiyori sometimes, too, but she thought she's made at least THAT MUCH clear. ]
I like being with you. I said that, too. I wasn't lying when I said either of those things.
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Kidding. Mostly.Though she might not be able to see it, the strength of his nails digging into his palms leaves red marks in their wake, the pain helping to get Yato focused. At least, as focused as he can be when she all but presses his hand to her chest. Color creeps further up his face, bridging his nose and making him feel overheated as he finds himself captured by her gaze. Held in place, his breath catches momentarily at both her actions and words.]
...even if it means being stuck in a dream world, separated from everyone?
[That part seems to surprise him (stupidly enough); he figured she'd want to hurry home to her parents and brother, to keep them from worrying about her extended sleeping spell. That she might actually be okay - or hell, even want to stay with him - here comes as something of a shock.]
Y-Yeah, I know. I never believed you were lying. ...I'm sorry if I gave you that impression.
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yeah, she hasn't realized where she's put that hand as of yet. since he's not moving, she going to continue to not realize and keep it there. ]
... I'm worried, but that doesn't mean I can't also be happy. It wouldn't be fair to myself if I didn't enjoy things here, too.
[ there's no rule saying that she can't be both. being separated from everyone isn't ideal but she isn't going to let herself be miserable about it forever. that's silly. self-destructive. yes, she does want to go home but what can she do? and she's not going to forsake yato like that. not when he's always trying so hard to make her happy. to be her god of fortune.
besides, like she told helga, it's not all bad here. yato is largely the reason it's not all bad. ]
Don't you feel the same? I know you're worried about Yukine-kun, but you're not letting yourself be upset about it all the time. Or you wouldn't have gotten me all these gifts or have been trying to build a shrine here and gain followers or have fun teaching me how to cook or help save the Ice Queen or any of those things.
[ perhaps as stupidly as him, she grips his wrist with her other hand and moves a step closer. ]
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Yeah, that's very true. I wouldn't want you to be fretting all the time over something we have no control over. It's not like it's all bad here.
[Once again, Hiyori proves to be the more mature, rational of the two of them. This is one of the reasons humans are the ones to guide the gods, aside from the fact they were made for them. To fulfill their wishes. It makes Yato wonder if he can manage that, or if he's only making things more difficult for her by being a stupid, stubborn ass.
Hopefully not. He is trying his damnedest to be a good God of Fortune, even on his own without Yukine's help or guidance.]
Of course. I swore to you and him that'd I'd become an existence that can make people happy, and I can't do that if I'm a sad sack, myself. [Now being grappled by her with both hands and having his space invaded, he inhales sharply and glances away, fingers finally twitching in her hold.] I just... want to make sure you have the best time here that you can. It's one of the few things I can do on my own, here, right now.
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see, though, he gets it! she relaxes slightly after that. happy enough for a small smile to tug at her lips once he agrees with her. it's not all bad. there are ups and downs, just as much as there is on earth. and they're safe, too. so far.
hiyori doesn't pick up on the twitch of his fingers as his words slam into her more forcefully. she's proud of him for realizing that much in that first bit. the next part? the honesty carries on. ]
You being here is...! [ but stutters. although she doesn't realize where his hand is, she realizes what she says next might be one of those THINGS that makes yato do creepy scary things. ]
Y-You... being here is already doing a lot to make it better, Yato.
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Really, he doesn't think it's such a bad place even with all the craziness that's happened to them over the course of just a couple of months. A lot of it's been fun and exciting, and he feels closer than ever to Hiyori. Especially when she goes so far as to say that his presence has been a big help in making her stay better.
It's... different than her just saying she wants to be with him more. This is... it's her finding comfort in his existence. Something nobody else has ever said. Even Yukine has barely acknowledged that much. But Hiyori... she...]
T-Then I'm glad we ended up arriving together, and that you didn't have to face this alone. For me, too, it's been a blessing to have you here. I... I'd be really lonely without you.
[And his heart would be longing for her, but there's no way he's going to spit that out.]
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the reason it isn't bad is because he's here.
oh.
oh...
OH.
oh no. anon-san said something like this. that the person they were in love with made every place feel like this. they discussed this on the roof. safe. comfort. like home. yato's words almost go in one ear and out the other as she is shaken by this revelation. is she... really... actually...? n-no. no no no. ]
Y, yeah. I... [ there, she's noticed his hand and promptly lets go and steps back to give him his personal space back. her eyes are wide and her face feels like it's going to burn right off. she can't look him in the face at ALL. ]
I, um. Yeah. [ what is WRONG with her. ] L-let's move Rainy to the living room? I, I'll pick up this end and you can pick up the other.
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He can't do it. Even to himself, he can't admit it. Though he knows in his heart what this feeling is, what it means, acknowledging it is a far different story. If he allows himself to accept it, then it'll be unrequited. Agony. Better he just do his best to pretend there's nothing there. Or that he at least isn't conscious of it.
At her suggestion, he nods, glancing down at his now free hands and flexing his fingers. It felt nice, having her holding onto him. So warm. Comforting.]
Ah, yeah. Let's do that. Tell me if she's too heavy for you, okay?
[He did manage to haul her in here himself, but he wouldn't mind the help this time. He grabs the reindeer by the front since that's the heavier end, letting its head peer over his shoulder like some weird lurker. Glancing back at Hiyori, he smiles.]
Ready?
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Yeah. [ STOP SAYING YEAH. ] I, I mean! Ready...
[ the longer hiyori has time to think, carrying rainy silently from her room and down the hall and into the living room where she agreed to put her, the harder it gets to deny it to herself. these last two months make it especially difficult. she keeps trying, anyway. keeps telling herself 'no way, no way, no way' but then she thinks of the plaques, too, and she's suddenly grabbing rainy for dear life as they set her down by the fireplace.
something is--
she hasn't let go and she stares unseeingly, like her life is flashing before her eyes. it kind of is? but she's going to ignore it. like her life depends on it.
or at least until she can sit down and... figure it all out. act normal, act normal. ]
There! She's in her home for the foreseeable future now! W-welcome home.
[ PATS HER SIDE. seems like hiyori has gotten over the fact that a life-size plush lives in their house now. also, hopefully, whatever he was making in the kitchen didn't burn or anything... ]
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As they traipse down the hall, Yato's heart does little flip flops from him dwelling on the Feelings He Definitely Doesn't Have. From the lingering ghost of Hiyori's hands upon him, to her words of reassurance, there's just really no getting around it. He definitely lo... lo... He cares for her. A lot!!
Pushing that thought out of his head as they arrive at their destination, he strokes the plush's snout, trying to meet Hiyori's eyes but finding it nigh impossible. He just... can't do it right now. Not when his emotions are so raw.
If he had been able to, he might've noticed her vacant look as well. Is it a good thing or bad that he doesn't? Only time will tell.]
Y-Yeah! Welcome home, Rainy! Hey, maybe we should decorate her for the holidays? Like drape some garland around her neck and put ornaments on her antlers! That'd be cute!
[Thankfully there's no burning smell coming from the kitchen, so it should be safe? (He was preparing to cook eggs, though thankfully he didn't get around to lighting the stove.)]
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dragonballpaingami.it's totally fine if he can't meet her eyes because hiyori can't meet his. fair's fair. as if looking into that bright blue will just nail the truth home even harder that she's holding back by a thread. ]
Yes! You know, I was thinking the same thing! [ HAHA WEIRD. ] We haven't taken the tree down yet, so why not? [ they probably SHOULD take the tree down soon, though. it's already the sixth of the month. they're going on three months in reverein now and have no sign of going back. if anything, there are signs that more people are coming here. ]
I think there were some leftover ornaments I put away that there was no room for on the tree! I'll go look for them!!
[ before he can get a word in, hiyori darts off back down the hallway in a pink blur. there's a small closet nearby yato's room that they've tucked a few things away in. extras. she's pretty sure this is where they put them.
her mind runs a mile a minute. though she does her best to think of other things such as embroidery techniques, what she's read so far in those anatomy books, she keeps coming back to one thing. one person. one god.
why did she talk to that anon? she already KNEW she was lying to herself. pretending that she was "just friends" with yato. as she told masaomi!! it shouldn't be this hard to find ornaments... ]
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At least they're on even footing even if they don't know it. Pair of dweebs. There's nobody here to call them out on it, either, so the passivity stand-off continues. (Cue the tumbleweed.)]
Great minds and all that~! [Or weird minds, as the case may be.] Right? And even when we do, we can leave Rainy dressed up to keep the festive cheer going! [The tree is getting pretty dry by now, though... Pretty soon they'll likely need to take it outside and find a place to dispose of it.]
Ah, yea--
[That's all he manages to get out to her retreating back before she's gone, disappearing into the hallway leading to their bedrooms. Blinking, he stares after her, hand still on the reindeer's face. Her odd behavior makes him momentarily forget about his own love-torn heart.
What...? What was that all about? Did he say or do something wrong? Maybe she needed the bathroom and was just being polite? Either way, he continues standing there in a daze for another minute or so before letting his hands drop. Ah, right... He should clean up in the kitchen. Or better still, finish making breakfast for them. He's hungry.
For a lot more than eggs, but that can't be helped. Scratching at the back of his head, he sighs at himself and wanders out of the room. Stupid self...]
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surely, eventually, someone will call them out on... something. they need it. yato isn't the only idiot this time. once she gets a handle on herself, she closes the closet door behind her and takes a deep breath. she can be normal. so what if she doesn't have strictly... platonic feelings for yato? they don't have to be l-love feelings. they can be!! a lot of like feelings. more than normal. big fondness! adoration.
... this isn't helping.
yato isn't there where she left him when she returns, so she looks around while opening the bag. one of their handmade ornaments is pulled out and she hangs it on an antler. then another on another antler. she does so very slowly and very meticulously for no reason other than she feels like it. ]
I can't... [ she mumbles to nobody in particular, under her breath.
but
she does. ]
He's weird. And confusing. Completely shameless... [ another bauble for rainy. enjoy. ] Attention seeker. Rude. Full of himself. [ less so now. ] He possessed my body, wears my uniform whenever he wants. He's insane. Has so many secrets, I still hardly know a thing--
[ hiyori looks insane muttering to herself over in the corner. ]
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Something somewhere is definitely going to have to give eventually. There's no way they can continue on like this indefinitely. Doubly so if they plan on going out to hunt noctaere. They'll need all their focus for that, not distraction-fueled lapses in concentration.
Although... for now... what can he do? There's no way he can just spit it out, burdening her with his feelings unnecessarily. Not when they're stuck in this strange world, living under the same roof. She already said he brings comfort to her. He can't risk spoiling that and causing her to leave either in anger or fear.
Frowning to himself, he whisks the eggs and milk together, adding a dash of salt and pepper followed by a touch of soy sauce. His own special mixture to give the eggs a bit of interest.
He hears Hiyori faintly out in the living room, but can't make out any of the words. He assumes she's being cute and talking to Rainy while decorating her. Maybe complimenting their new plush roommate on her good looks. Who knows!]
What should I do... Sakura...
[Sighing, he pours the eggs into the pan and lets them sit. Omelets for today. Something fun to eat.]
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indefinitely? no. for as long as she can hold out? yes. which is becoming more difficult as hiyori moves one from trying to convince herself that she can't to she might. there's a reason he caught her eye the first time when they passed by as strangers -- his eyes. she didn't know eyes could even BE so blue. ]
He can be cool, sometimes. He cares. He cares a lot about Yukine-kun, it makes him a good father to him. He really does try his best. He wants to be better. Always gets his job done... except mine, I guess. Sometimes, he's funny. And more thoughtful with the things he says. There are so many times he's saved me and he wants me to be happy. It's really important to him, as a God of Fortune.
[ the more hiyori talks to herself, the deeper the rabbit hole goes. there's more. there's actually more to like. ] Talented at so many things and willing to teach. Tidy, surprisingly. Good cook. [ just goes to show that hiyori is in over her head if there's more. ] Can play intruments. Learned that today.
[ one important aspect to yato she doesn't know where to place. good or bad. he's proud of his status, so it must be good. ]
A god.
[ that ornament bag is half-full by now. rainy is properly decked out in a holiday look. her finger pokes one so that it swings back and forth for a while in a mesmerizing way. while yato has his back to her, hiyori peeks into the kitchen and simply observes him work. when yato thinks nobody is watching, it's the most difficult to convince herself that she can't.
it needs to be interrupted or else-- ]
I smell eggs. Don't faceplant into your omelet again, okay? [ a legit concern ]
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Essentially it's become a battle of attrition, to see which of them can hold out the longest before folding and revealing the truth to the other. The one advantage Yato has over her, it's longevity. He's used to going long stretches of time without revealing his secrets. Although he's never had one quite like this, where he was living with the subject of said secret. Already just being near Hiyori is testing his willpower and ability to remain impartial, detached.
He scoots one finished omelet to a plate before starting on a second, garnishing the first with a light sprinkling of spring onions. Frowning at the pan, he murmurs under his breath.]
I should... just keep it to myself, huh. It's easier that way. Better for us both.
[He knows deep in his heart that's not what his beloved shinki would have him do. She likely would've encouraged him and told him to be brave, to have faith in Hiyori. But without Sakura here to impart those words for real, he can't bring himself to dare trying. He just can't. He treasures what they have too much, and is too damn scared of rejection.
Only once Hiyori speaks up does he realize she's there, jumping a little in the process. Thankfully he doesn't upend the omelet. Turning it over carefully, he scoffs with a faint smile.]
I won't. That was a reaction to being ill, not one to my cooking. [He eyes her for a moment before holding out the plated omelet.] Here. Before it gets cold.
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hiyori has the advantage of being stubborn as all get out. despite that, there's a part of her that isn't too inclined to keep it a secret. why? it feels more like a habit than anything else. how long does it take for habits to break? that's the question hiyori needs to ask herself.
she only catches the tail end of his mutterings as she peeks in, so can't make much sense of "--us both." could be anything. it doesn't feel right to ask either. not right now.
there's an apologetic smile on her face for scaring him, but she crosses into the kitchen to take the plate. ] Thank you. [ he turns back around, but she doesn't move to their little dining room table quite yet. one second. two. three. four.
an arm winds carefully around his waist. slower than the other day, on christmas, when she all but slammed into him and hugged him for a few seconds before running off. this way is gentler and more of a side hug than anything. her nose gets buried behind his shoulder and she holds this position for another second longer before letting herself slip away to finally sit at the table. grabbing napkins and utensils for them both along the way, her heart racing in her chest. ]
Yukine-kun would be proud of how well you handle the household these days.
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He can hopefully give her a run for her money in the stubborn department. He hasn't maintained his dream of becoming the highest god in the land through being weak-willed, that's for sure. Although when it comes to Hiyori, all bets are off. Nothing is certain where she's involved, especially not him.
He accepts her apology with a smile of his own, expression softening further. And he thinks that's the end of it. That she'll go sit down and eat. Instead, she hovers nearby. Why...? Out of the corner of his eye, he watches her. Yet somehow in the time it takes his attention to wander, she's got an arm encircling his waist.
His entire body stiffens, leaving him barely breathing, like her arm is a boa constrictor that might smother him if he shows any signs of life. Except that it's... nice? Warm and soft and gentle and-- and-- His face heats up like the pan, hot enough to cook eggs on. And then to make matters even more confusing, he feels her face burying into his back, forcing the breath he'd been holding out in a shuddering exhale. His hands shake just as much, so much so that he has to let go of the pan to keep it from rattling on the burner.
W-W-What was that all about?! It was almost like she-- she--
Swallowing hard, he ducks his head while one hand grips the counter tightly. Whatever the reason, whatever that was about... it was... nice. It takes him several long moments to compose himself enough to answer, and when it does, it's slightly strained.]
I-I'm sure he would be. But if he show's up, you're not gonna tell him! I don't want him hounding me to do this all the time. This is just for you, since as a human you need to eat and maintain your body!
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it's the most huggiest hug she's probably ever given yato. with the first being a hug she split between yato and yukine. it's a hug specifically for yato, done in a certain way for yato. what hiyori realizes belatedly is that while he may be okay giving hugs, maybe yato is less okay with receiving hugs. and that's the reason he sounds so strained and looks so... stiff.
all at once, the fuzzy warmth in her chest and head dissipates and she's unsure of herself. wondering if she needs to apologize. he's been through a lot, and she hardly seen a whisper of it. just the beginning.
she's distracted, easily. ]
Wh-what? Why not! Yukine-kun was once a human, too! [ another part of her is doing her best not to start blushing that yato so easily admits that it's just for her. the wide smile is even MORE difficult to stamp away. ] I think it's good for you. We can all take turns on things, just like we do now.
If you don't work, are you just going to lay around while Yukine-kun and I do all the chores? He would like your cooking too, you know. Even if he didn't say it.
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It is the warmest hug he's ever received, too. That's part of the problem. It was one specially done for him, from Hiyori. Only him. And one that wasn't borne out of a threat to his life. It came calmly out of the blue, full of... love? It sure felt like more than a friendship hug, at least to him. Although maybe it's his feelings that are coloring his impressions of it...
Now he doesn't know how to take it, and he's afraid to ask. What if he's wrong? Or worse, what if he's right? What then, if she shares his feelings of being in l-l-lov--
Heat colors his cheeks as his eyes follow her, bright and blue and full of an undefined emotion. It's not a negative, at least. No, it's more like he's admiring her shyly.]
Like I said, he'd get on my case to be more self-sufficient. ...I like it when he cooks for me. [It makes him feel like a proper god, being catered to. Plus he likes the taste. But like hell he's going to say as much. He goes quiet at the suggestion of them taking turns. That... doesn't sound so bad.]
No way, I wouldn't just be lounging about! I mean, I guess we could all split up the chores. Or at least take turns with the cooking. ...I'll make sure to fix him the puffy pancakes the next time we see him, too. He deserves that much.
[He does need to take better care of his shinki, he knows. It's just hard sometimes. He's not used to having a kitchen readily available and ingredients to work with.]
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